Regression is Never an Option

Peace be Upon You..



There are always something that we regret in our life. May it be not taking care of our health a little better, not putting enough effort in doing works that results in unsatisfactory consequences but the worst of all ialah apabila kita tidak sempat memohon maaf sebelum seseorang itu menghembus nafas terakhir. Terasa sesalan yang menggunung dengan kesilapan yang telah dilakukan. Penyesalan tidak akan berakhir apabila mengetahui kesilapan yang dilakukan adalah terhadap orang yg telah meninggalkan dunia yang fana ini. Oleh itu pengajaran besar yang perlu diambil perhatian ialah; sebagai manusia janganlah kita sesekali menyakiti hati manusia lain kerana kita tidak akan mungkin tahu akan bilakah ajal kita mahupun mereka. Dan apabila meninggalnya seseorang itu tiada lagilah yang dapat menyambung amalannya didunia kecuali bekalan amalan yang dikerjakannya semasa hidup, sedekah jariah dan doa anak yang soleh.

Doing a Job and Loving it.

Peace be Upon You...

Have you ever feel that everything you do doesn't make you happy? Even something you that you like didn't give you satisfaction...Hmmm..I've always asked myself for the reason but it doesn't seem to be giving any answer until recently. Every job that I take, I couldn't find happiness in it. I studied and didn't love it. I baked and I suck at it. I draw and didn't like the piece. I do have friends and spent time with them but I feel at lost. I do what I really wanted to do but couldn't find satisfaction in it..and I keep wondering WHY? I have been searching for my inner self for so long and really have no idea where and when to find it. But recently during summer holiday I went back to my hometown and discovered a book, my youngest sister left at home. It's just a thin book with no fancy cover, just barely grabbed my attention. I read it. Rasulullah and Guidance, the title. I didn't have any idea why suddenly I have the intention to take and read that book, it is soothing, mind blowing and awesomely gave me new spirit to change from what I have always been and doing. Suddenly I realised that I have been wasting most of my lifetime deviating from God's love. I started thinking of how life would be in the near future if I keep on living my life the way I was. I read the Quran for the sake of reading it, because my mother and teachers told that we Muslim must read the quran, without realising the real meaning behind every verse and juz. It was then.. but now I found a lot of interesting verses that I have never take notice before... Suddenly I really love it when it comes to reading the Quran. I feel like it is the time that gives me true happiness. Every verse give me strength as I practise my reading and at times looking at the translation of it. It is a feeling that I couldn't really express with words, it feels like the happiness comes from within and nobody really understand it but me.I'm grateful to Allah for guiding me to his path. Alhamdulillah. I pray hard to Allah to never take it back what He gave me and protect me under His blessing..I am waayy too far from good nevermind perfect. I really want to change myself for the better and really hope I can keep the good effort towards it. Lets Pray each and every one of us will be given Hidayah from Allah and strive for His Love...Amin

New Term New Rant

Peace Be Upon You..

Party people ain't got life..duuhh

It's been a week since I've arrived back in Plymouth and settled down everything. I'm living alone in the house now, meaning I'm the only Malaysian despite another three are locals around Britain. Quite sad at first and I'm getting used to it now. The only problem living with locals is that the way they live is way too different from me, the typical Malay. I'm not used to partying or whatsoever connected to them. Apart from that it is still okay. We are sharing bathroom, toilets and kitchen. Since I arrived a week later than them the feshers, so they've conquered the kitchen obviously and leaving me only a small space to put my things and all the lots of utensils i've bought last year. I been doing well despite the condition and keeping the kitchen as clean as it can be. One thing I found out about them is that they consume a lot of frozen foods and use microwave most of the time rather than the stove and literally the stoves are mine at the time. As a typical Malay that eat hot food everytime,I choose to cook my food rather than consuming canned or frozen food. Even though I'm not a good cook after all, at least it is still edible and never that I experience food poisoning. 

Among the three of them, there is this one girl who's not very friendly I see. I haven't gotten to know her name yet and there was one time when I accidentally going to bump into her on the stair she quickly fasten her pace to her room...what's that mean? Is it racist or just she's really in hurry anyway? Well, I don't wanna think of that really heavily as I got another two which are slightly friendlier than her anyway. Another thing that bother a lot this 2-3 day is the level of noise they made. Lots and lots of noise has been lingering the village since they really like to stick together all the time, I mean all the time. They have made my front lawn their favourite place to be together and pump up the music volume to the max and it is very annoying at times. As early as 9 am and it continues to midnight..what life they are living pun I have no idea lah...huhuhu. Sabarjelah. Right now, I'm thinking of making a complaint to the authorities to take action against these lifeless culprit..heee

Less Than Three ..... Days

Peace Be Upon You...

Expensive times ain't wait for no man

It's been a while since my last post and I have been doing busy with everything around me lately but nothing particular. My summer holiday will end shortly and it is not really a good sign. My first official class/lecture will start nextweek on the 26/9 and surprisingly I will not reach Plymouth until the evening of 25/9. I am sure it will totally be a tiring day because the journey from Malaysia particularly Kelantan to Plymouth will take the whole 18 hours including a short transit in Dubai (4 hours). It's better this time because on the way back to Malaysia the transit took us 8 hours in the airport and we were not allowed to step outside due to not having a valid visa. Now .. I am having a common feeling of not wanting to leave my home and it is a loong journey to take anyway and a 6 hours worth of class the next day will absolutely kill me from inside. I am sure it will be awesome sleeping session during the lecture..pity my lecturers...I haven't finish packing yet, and it is just normal thing to do last minute packing and it will absolutely do harm on me later..hahaha. I always practise last minute on everything and definitely I will forgot about a thing or two then. Arrgghhh I really need to get my stuff done because the day after tomorrow will be the day I'll start my long journey and I really pray that my journey and my other 5 friends will be safe and be blessed by God, InsyaAallah..

One Month Two Days

Peace Be Upon You..
Hari ni masuk hari 4 Ramadhan dan Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan lancar despite a little fatigue on the way to finish day 3. Alhamdulillah sbb saya diberi kesihatan yg baik setakat ni disebalik nasihat doktor agar saya tak berpuasa sebab minngu lepas saya diserang gastrik and its a bit acute jugaklah and i managed to be brought to clinic late at night though. Saya x ikut pon nasihat doktor tu sebabnye saya fikir pahala puasa ganti tak bersamaan banyaknya dengan pahala puasa Ramadhan. Dan hari ni genaplah sebulan dua hari saya berada di rumah, di kampung. Cepat sungguh masa berlalu sampaikan tak tersedar pon masa cuti dah hampir separuh i spend at home particularly doing nothing. I didn't go out a lot because most of my friends are not around near. At times boredom do crept in when just sitting around the house and basically my routine are mengadap laptop and watching programmes on tv yang tak berapa nak syok sangat. And these days I've spending quite a lot of my morning times at driving school. I haven't had my driver's license yet and at the age of 22 I think its necessary and I do want to drive on my own. Setakat ni Alhamdulillah semuanye berjalan agak lancar despite a few things that I haven't mastered yet like skill driving uphill and I am very weak at when nak masuk simpang. Unfortunately  tadi I was evaluate by an officer at the school and he scolded me la huhuhu..sedeyh betol puasa2 ni kene marah sbb banyak kali kereta mati. Saya belajar guna kancil tp tadi first time naik viva terkejut lah apa lagi nervous sampai semua yang my cikgu ajar terus lupa. Bila balik feeling lah jugak terus bukak diari lah nak mencatat peristiwa yang x menarik ni. But when i thinkabout it, it is smothing common lah kan sbb nye saya pon baru sahaja belajar dan out of the blue got tested today. It taught me a lot and i realised that there a lot of more things that i didn't know and mastered yet. And I will definitely improve after this knowing my own weaknesses and try my very best to calm myself at the actual test day.

Kesayangan atau Tidak

Peace be Upon You


Sebagai manusia, kita selalu dengar phrase anak kesayangan atau murid kesayangan bukan? Memang dulu kalau dekat sekolah mungkin selalu jealous dengan murid2 yg menjadi apple of the eyes cikgu2 dan mereka lah yang selalu dianggap sebagai idola zaman kanak2 huhuhu. Tp bagaimana pula dengan anak kesayangan, apa definisi anak kesayangan ni? Sama jugak dengan murid kesayangan agaknya lah.Masa dulu pernah dengar ada ustaz dalam Al Kuliyyah pernah cakap yg anak2 x sepatutnya dibeza-bezakan dan seeloknya ibu bapa treat their children equally regardless their rupa paras or paras intelligence mereka. Dan bagi anak2 pada pendapat saya  tak ada seorang pon yang ingin dia dibeza-bezakan.. betul tak? Tapi perkara memang sukar dielakkan sebenarnya. Ibubapa mungkin sudah cuba sedaya upaya untuk menyama-ratakan layanan mereka terhadap anak2 namun mungkin ada loopholes yang kadang2 mereka x sedar mereka telah melebihkan anak yg tertentu dan itu bukan silap mereka sebenarnya kerana semua manusia melakukan kesilapan. Nobody's born perfect. Tp bagaimana ye perasaan anak2 yg berada dalam situasi dibeza-bezakan ini. Adakah mereka rasa tersisih atau terabai atau sedih atau pon sama2 aje? Saya bukan lah orang yang pakar akan psikologi yang ingin bercakap berdentam dentum tentang perkara ini tetapi sekadar memberi pandangan boleh lah. 


Setiap anak yang waras rasanya akan sedaya upaya menjadi anak yang bagus dan baik terhadap ibu bapa mereka dan saya juga terlalu ingin menjadi anak yang membalas jasa kedua ibu bapa saya. Seumur hidup saya ini,seingat saya saya tidak pernah dengan niat sengaja atau sesuka hati ingin melukakan hati mereka. Yakin juga saya bahawa semua anak2 juga ingin melakukan perkara yang sama. Kadang2 dalam hati kita ini ingin juga menjadi anak kesayangan ibubapa bukan? Ya dulu saya pon selalu memikirkan perkara tersebut. Mesti seronok kalau dapat jadi anak kesayangan sebab mma ngan ayah sayang kita lebih. Seingat saya ibubapa saya tidak pernah lebihkan mana anak dari segi material namun beza-bezakan sedikit tu adela. Itu pon untuk kebaikan kami sekeluarga juga maybe untuk dijadikan contoh teladan kepada saya. Tetapi sesedih manakah anak2 jika ibu bapa dengan sejujurnya menjelaskan perbezaan mereka dengan adik atau kakak mereka? Sedih. Betul betul sedih sehingga tidak terucapkan oleh lidah tapi terganti dengan air mata. Pedih. Bukan lah saya ingin mencanangkan kesedihan hati tetapi ingin berkongsi perasaan apabila dikategorikan sebagai anak yang berada dalam kumpulan yang banyak membawa masalah. Sesungguhnya saya tidak menyalahkan sesiapa pada tahap ini kerana semua salah saya. Saya akui saya pernah melakukan kesilapan dan saya terkilan dengan diri sendiri. Kesilapan yang dilakukan dulu ingin sangat saya lupakan tetapi apabila subjek itulah yang menjadi topik kegemaran perbualan saya jadi terlalu terkilan. Saya memohon maaf berteman air mata dengan mereka dan saya ingin lupakan episode itu tetapi saban hari cerita sama yang diungkit menjadikan saya tidak yakin kepada diri sendiri. Saya rasa ingin lari jauh tapi saya terhutang nyawa kepada kedua ibubapa saya. Selagi saya tidak membalas segala jasa mereka, saya bukanlah anak yang baik. Saya lah yang bersalah dan langsung tidak marahkan mereka jika gagal melupakan kesilapan saya namun emosi saya kadang2 kurang stabil memikirkannya. Saya bukanlah anak kesayangan dan sebenarnya sudah tahu itu sejak dulu lagi dan saya buat2 tidak tahu pada asalnya dan apabila timbul dari mulut mereka sendiri membuatkan saya tidak dapat mengawal emosi. Saya memohon kepada Allah S.W.T agar memberikan saya ketabahan, kekuatan dan keteguhan dalam menghadapi permasalahan dunia ini. Saya memohon kepada Allah agar memberikan hidayah kepada saya untuk menuju jalannya yang lurus. Amin

Ketentuan Allah adalah yang terbaik.

Peace Be Upon You...

Hari ni saya terasa ingin menulis  berkisarkan hal berkaitan kekaguman saya terhadap ketentuan takdir yang di tentukan oleh Allah S.W.T. Pada hujung tahun 2010 yang lepas semasa winter break, saya telah mengikuti seorang housemate saya menghadiri satu kem yang bernama Jalinan Ukhuwah Musim Sejuk (JUMS) anjuran ISMA Eropah. Program tersebut diadakan di Lapwing Lodge, Kem tempat Lord Baden Powell, orang yg mula2 mengasaskan Pertubuhan Pengakap Dunia di Glasgow, Scotland. Sepanjang Program tersebut berlangsung, banyak ilmu2 baru yg saya perolehi di samping mengisi masa cuti musim sejuk yg pasti kalau di rumah d Kg Plymouth pasti akan diisi dengan hibernasi yg jaya mayanya. Dalam program tu saya telah ditemukan dengan seorang kakak yang 4 tahun lebih senior dr saya, muda setahun drpd kakak no.1 saya. Kami panggil dia kak Mima dan post ini saya ingin dedicatekan untuk kak mima. Saya x lah kenal pon dgn kak mima n it was my first time meeting her, 3 days into the programme out of 5 days. Quite short of time to really a person. Dalam pada mghadiri program tu, kak mima ada dijemput sbg panel jemputan bg berkongsi pengalaman belajar di perantauan. Pada mulanya saya x tau pon kak mima ni dulu belajar kat mana  dan buat ape. Dlam pada perkongsian yg kak mima berikan tu dia ade cakap yg dulu belajar kat New Zealand and sekarang tengah wat master kat Germany. A very long journey, a very opposite and can be categorised as the other side of the world lah kan. Drpd NZ berhijrah ke Germany. Dia buat Bioteknologi masa kat NZ and skrg sambung master dalam Pharmaceutical seingat saye (adlh bende2 yg sy x reti nk sebut + x ingat huhu) Sblm saya bertolak ke Glasgow saya ada sign up utk g jaulah ke beberapa tempat di Europe ni tp x pulak saya ambil tahu langsung dgn sape saya akan tinggal dan dgn sape saye akan di berikan sbbnye semua tu diuruskan oleh housemate saya yg ade senior yg belajar Ireland, jd nye saye pon main ikut jelah (pemalas) Pada hari keempat program baru saya tau yg kak mima yg akan jd tour guide kami bila malam terakhir kat lodge tu, kak mima singgah bilik saya tidur sbb terlampau sejuk dgn salji yg terlampau tebal kat luar tambah heater yg x berape nk function. Dia ade tny saya sape yg join g jaulah Germany sbb dia x kenal pon yg tau hanyalah nama. Saat tu baru lah saya tau yg saya akan stay ngan kak mima selama 7 hari kitorang ke Germany. Kitorang bertolak awal pagi 26 December 2010 pkol 5.00 pg dalam kegelapan tambah sejuk yg mencengkam bumi Glasgow menuju airport di Edinburgh ditemani 5 lg rakan2 yg ikut jaulah. Saya sgt terharu dgn kebaikan hati beberapa orang brothers yg sanggup bersengkang mata menghantar kami jauh ke Edinburgh. Saya kagum dengan kebaikan hati mereka yg sanggup menyewa beberapa buah MPV disediakan khas membawa semua peserta2 bergerak di sekitar tempat penginapan kami, malah menghantar kami jauh ke airport. Sesampainye di airport saya lihat di samping kami 6 orang perempuan,ade seorang brother yg turun d airport tersebut. Rupa2nya ada lg pelajar German selain kak mima yg ikut join program JUMS ni. Sepanjang proses check in sehinggalah ke atas flight, brother ni asyik ikut kitorang, saya pon jadi keliru pd mulanya. Tp alhamdulillah dgn adenye brother ni jgk lah yg dpt tolong kitorang dgn segala kejakunan kami yg dr England n Eire yg x pernah tau anything bout Deutch ni dsamping kak mima. Masa kitorang line up nak board flight, 3 orang pemuda Morocco buat hal di hadapan kitorang. X pasal2 kak mima kena marah ngan diorang padahalnye mereka dah nyata2 potong que kami dgn mengatakan diorang nk cepat. Dh la diorang ni potong que orang x pasal2 lepas tu they gave some sort of isyarat lucah kat kak mima and that brother helped us. Kami bersyukur sbb brother tu nasihatkan kitorang spy jaga diri elok2 dan jangan hiraukan mereka sbb kitorang pakai tudung jd ramai yg akan pandang pelik. Sepanjang 2 jam flight from Edinburgh to Memingen x de bende pelik yg happened except for an hour flight delay because of extreme snow condition in that place. Sesampainye di airport Memingen, brother tu still tolong kitorang dan tolong panggilkan teksi utk kitorang. Dia pon join sekali in the taxi van to the nearest train station. Even dah sampai di train station dia jugaklah yg bantu angkat luggage kitorang yg besar2 lagi berat tu dan tolong bayarkan tambang taxi bernilai 10 euro. Masa kat train station tu kami ambil kesempatan utk solat dan alhamdulillah jumpa satu ruang sempit tepi dinding kedai utk dijadikan tempat solat. Selesai solat saya perhatikan brother tu still ade tp agak berjauhan dgn kitorang lalu saya tny kak mima. "Kak Mima kenal ke brother tu?" Kak mima cakap" Akak pon x kenal brother tu sbb x pernah jumpa dio pon, maybe dia junior sbb ramai junior belajar kat Rosenheim (a popular place where lots of Msian students went to do undergraduate study" Itulah kata kak mima. Saya pon tny kak mima lg dia nk g mana, kenapa sejak tadi asyik ikut kami. Menurut kate kak mima, brother tu nak ke Rosenheim dan dia sebenarnye sedang tunggu kitorang sbb risau ade ape2 berlaku kat semua anak dara ni. Sungguh mulia hati brother tersebut. Selesai semuanye solat kitorang pergi beli tket train dan brother tu jugaklah yg tolong ajarkan cara nak beli tket bagai sbb most of us from uk and eire x biasa ngan ticketing system there and off we go. On the train, still that brother can be seen as he was sitting in the same coach with us and we left earlier than him instead, as Munchen's stop is earlier than Rosenheim and from that moment we never see that brother again. Selama 6 hari 5 malam saya bermalam di rumah kak mima dan saya sebenarnye kagum dgn kebaikan hati kak mima yg sanggup tumpangkan kitorang yg dia x kenal apatah lagi x pernah bertemu pon sebelom ni. Bukan saja menumpang free kat rumah kak mima malah kak mima beri kitorang makan free lagi selain membelanjakan duitnye sendiri untuk beli tiket train,u-bahn, s-bahn dan bas bawa kitorang jalan2 d sekitar Munchen. Mind you the ticket price is not cheap, as I can remember once we bought tickets to a place called Ingolstad and it took us 40 euro from our wallet to ne place not included every other place that we also went. And we decided to divide kak mima's ticket price among us as she has done a lot for us and pay for her instead. The view everyywhere we went were breathtaking despite the heavy snow and all white coloured cold snow covered every places that we went. It was Allah's creation and it is truly beautiful. I can't spell it with words. Subhanallah. Four day into our jaulah in Munchen, kak mima had an important thing to do as she need to see her Master's supervisor and told us to find our way to Austria and with her good wish, doa and advice, we did it despite lots of 'lost'adventure in the way. There, we found another Malaysian students wandering around the shopping place and had a quick chat with them and they are from Rosenheim too. A day before we end our journey in Germany, kak mima brought us to a place where said the best lepaking place in town which happened to be an aunty's house who's residing in Germany with her husbanf and two kids. Memang lah sy x percaya kalau kak mima kate dia lepak. That uncle and her husband are from kedah, residing in German as her husband is an ambassador for a Government funded company in Msia. They are very warm and welcomed us with a warm feast with another several students eating, playing and sleeping in their house. Never i found such a great couple that make their house as markas for students to meet each other from all over Germany every weekend for already over a year and sadly our jaulah ends here. Saya bertolak pula ke Ireland and spent several days in Dublin where my bestest friend lives. Selepas berakhirnya jaulah tersebut saya hanya berhubung dengan kak mima melalui talian facebook semata2. Disebabkan saya ini bukan lah seorang yg gemarkan akan rangkaian sosial facebook jadi saya jarang sangat berkomunikasi dengan kak mima, just sometimes took a glance at her newest wall photos or photos she just posted. Baru2 ni saya tengok gamba kak mima bawak mak ngan ayah dia pegi jalan Germany and few other Europe countries. Bless her for her kindness to her parents. And the most shocking news I received three weeks ago regarding kak mima. At that time i'm on my way to the exam hall when my friend who's together with me in the jaulah asked me did i noticed something on the facebook that morning. It's about kak mima and shockingly enough She is getting married!!!!  and the most shocking thing is about to burst now. Bakal suami kak mima ialah tak lain tak bukan brother yang mengikuti dan menolong kami sepanjang perjalanan kami dr Edinburgh ke Munchen. Subhanallah. Betapa besarnya kuasa Allah S.W.T dalam menentukan kehidupan semua umatnya. Saya sungguh terkejut malah cukup terharu dengan berita yang dikhabarkan oleh kak mima. Tidak ada ape yg saya mohon agar Allah satukan mereka dan berikan mereka kebahagiaan, dilimpahkan rumah tangga mereka dengan nikmat Iman dan Islam dan bersama-sama sehingga ke syurga. Saya amat mengagumi kak mima dengan ketabahannya yang berseorangan di Germany tanpa sorang teman pon pelajar malaysia yg menuntut di universiti sama dengannya dan segala ketabahannya menerima semua ujian yang di datangkan kepadanya. Saya ingat lagi semasa berada dirumahnya dulu, dia ada  meluahkan perasaan kepada kami yg dia sudah pon masuk 27 tp jodohnya masih belum tiba dan dia kerap kali teringin apabila melihat rakan2 seperjuangan masa sekolah dulu sudah berumah tangga malah dah punyai anak. Tak ape kak mima, jodoh kak mima dah pon sampai malah dengan seorang yang baik sekali sungguh sepadan dengan kak mima. Tak ada ape yg saya ingin ucapkan kpd kak mima selain selamat menempuh alam rumah tangga dan doa saya sentiasa mengharapkan kak mima dan suami berbahagia sehingga ke syurga.