New Year is Coming

Peace Be Upon You...

 Photo credit

Less than 4 days, the number on the calender year will hit 2013. I just can't make up my mind what resolutions to choose. Hmm I have never had new year resolution I guess, or even if I have had one, I never really accomplish them haha. Many people back home in Malaysia are planning where to celebrate new year. Another thing, I have never celebrate new year's eve may it be back in Malaysia or here in the UK. I spent most o of the time at home or travelling away from home when it is new year time. And this year too, I will be spending most of my leftover holidays at home finishing assignment and writing the endless dissertation.

Speaking of writing academic thing really wears me out. My brain just feel like it has been drained and squeezed to the extent that it has no juice left..grrr. And sometimes came the idea of quitting learning somehow.I am really scared about this because I have already had the experience of moving into various institutions and it really gives me goosebumps. I just want to finish this one and be free to start my next stage of life. And when I was down with the negative statement of wanting to quit learning I found this;

'Bila kamu tak tahan lelahnya belajar,

maka kamu akan menanggung peritnya kebodohan.

-Imam Syafie- 

When I read this quote, it struct me hard in the face and in the hard. This is super true and plus it was narrated by Imam Syafie some more. Yeah at time we will have this giving up phase in studying but we just need to remember the reason for us studying hard and it is none other than for the sake of Allah.

Have You Ever Feel Scared that You Killed?

Peace Be Upon You...

I was once very scared that made me killed. I was too scared of a chicken and killed it to get rid my fear of it. It's not funny to me at that time that I killed that poor chicken, but now when I reminisce the incidence it was quite a hillarious story. I can't remember the exact year that incident happen but it might be when I reached 10. The poor chicken to me at that time was very cruel. It looks nasty with it's near bald head, evil eyes glaring at me every time our eyes met and chased me every time I happened to be near him (lets give him a gender and pronoun him :)) I just couldn't figure out what was interesting in this 10 years old girl that he chose to chase me around the compound. He was so annoying and scary at the same time that I took the courage to take a firewood that my mom used to boil water and swung it at him hard. 

 The chicken was ugly with baldy head and fewer feather...hukhuk . Not this types of chicken Photo credit

At that very moment I hit him hard with the wood, I ran away to the house and hide. Because I scared he will come back to life and haunt me again with his sharp claw and ugly baldy head. For five minute I hid behind my bed  I took the courage to go and check upon him. It was fortunate for me that he lied there motionless and his eyes were wide shut!! I thought to myself for two seconds...'He is dead'. I was glad for only 7 seconds before I realised that I need to face a bigger problem which was ... My MUM. Fortunately for me the evil 'spirit' living in the chicken was killed by me but unfortunate event for my mum that she lost a chicken.

For the next 2 minutes I felt restless not knowing what to do with the dead chicken. I cannot process the chicken as dinner as I was only 10 and have no idea how on earth to do that either. The voice in me told me to throw it away into the neighbour's land, the place with many bushes and tall thatches. It was the best idea I could think of. With all the guts in me and the courage brought by fear of mum, I carried the chicken by the leg and swung it two times before he landed in between the tall thatches without trace. I was doomed if any of the families found out.

Around two days after the unfortunate incident of the chicken, mum started to realised that one of her chicken went missing without trace. I was having cold sweat but control my face reaction in front of them and pretending not knowing anything and in fact mum would never suspected me in relation to her missing chicken as I have never showed interest in live chicken anyway. But I could not contain my guilty and slightly confessed that I have some little thing to do with the dissapearance of the chicken. That was how it goes. I confess and shockingly mum said she had already thinking of that thing happening. Mum instinct of her daughter and a chicken affair..Awesome.

This post is not actually to talk about the chicken incident but some awful situation I'm facing right now. The chicken incident is a true story by the way :) ermm. The difference between these two situation is that I'm not in the right place to kill anymore. I have been dealing with dissertation blues which mean final year blues as well. I couldn't kill the dissertation as it is not a living thing and I can't kill my lecturers as well as they are not the one who set the rule to graduate with degree I have to write a dissertation, its the institution that I have to kill. But how? If I'm to kill those people then I have to kill everybody..and of course in this foreign land killing is what err...oh god. Give me strength to go through this thing.

I already realised that in order for me to have fear free life I just need to face the thing that scared me the most but yeahh that is not easy man. Not easy, it required a lot of courage and hard work. Not the type that take a firewood and fire the target like I did to the chicken. It is more than that...ohh life is 

This is actually my rambling as I'm in the process of writing my dissertation which I haven't continue writing for almost three weeks. I lost my inspiration already and keep doing escapism and deviate from doing what I supposed to do. In a week or so, I will have the second meeting with my supervisor and I'm feeling like my inside is grumbling like there is earthquake and tremor inside there.

I really need to find that missing shoes again and keep walking the bumpy road in order to reach the end and ting the bell...arghhhhh

Christmas Sale

Peace Be Upon You...

Better known as boxing day, Christmas Sale is today the 26th of December. My second year spending it here in Plymouth. With pouring rain ad wet atmosphere,nothing really attracted me today. Plymouth has been wet and breezy for hmm I 'm not sure how long. It is been like this like forever. I started my day with a light cycle to a friend's house to send back his bicycle I borrowed yesterday. The borrowing is essential as I don't have any bicycle to ride neither extra money to buy one heheh but still I have the intention to ride bicycle..hmm. Well we need to have determination in order to do things right. Other than educational yeahh I'm all boost up with power and determination..Psy sighh.

Christmas shopping this year is the lamest thing I guess. I didn't buy many things and it is shocking even to myself. I went out of the house at 9.30 all geared up with backpack and bank card thinking if I would spend alot but fortunately ended up only buying 2 things. A non stick pot worth 7, a shirt and an essential wear. Thats all. I'm glad I'm not be friend with syaitan today. Alhamdulillah. 

Winter Break

Peace Be Upon You...


Winter Break has gone for a week now. I am...unfortunately stuck here the student village alone...again. This I have no plans whatsoever of going anywhere outside Plymouth. Basically not because I don't want to but rather things has gotten me tied at the leg. Hmmm ... its financial thing hahhahaaa huhu :( If not I would be happily walking and jumping around my way to Egypt, that was the initial plan for the break. Well then what to do, it is just sth that keep my life sweet isn't it? 

Most of my friends have gone to their places all around the world, Iceland, Jordan, Ireland, Italy and many many more. May it be for travelling or attending winter gathering, I'm not very sure of the reasons, just that I wish them take care and have fun yeahh. 

Ermmm so here I am spending my other two weeks at home not knowing yet what to do. Definitely not studying I guess..Ohh a bad students I am and lazy as hell too. Err...but since I have assignment due a week after the break that worth 3000 words and a chapter of my dissertation to be handed in a week earlier, then like it or not, I will have to work my lazy bum and start thinking about that though T_T

Argghh I hate the fact that I'm alone here in the house and in foreign and and I miss my mum and my niece ans twin nephews huhu. But can't really get in touch with them at this very moment. 

Lets end here before the rain start pouring hhooohoo. Literally :(

Will It Snow For Christmas

Peace Be Upon You...

Winter has been emmm... not so generous to us here in Plymouth I guess. I don't kinda remember how was the exact situation like for the previous 2 years but as I can recall, it is nothing like this. It is wet and not to mention gloomy almost every day since...not just winter but since Spring. Psy Sigh.. Today is the 22nd of December and it has been raining for 3 continuous days non-stop. On top of that it has also been warning of another flood hitting Devon for the second or countless times I don't know. The weather is not that extreme though. The recorded temperature for today is 14 degree average in day and 9 at night.

My wish for the last winter in the UK is to be able to feel the snow for maybe probably the last time as I don't dream of coming back here again in the coming future hahhaha. Feel like moving back to home country immediately or perhaps residing in any Asian country and not Caucasian country anymore. I only manage to experience snow in my first year. Plymouth is actually not a famous spot to receive snow anyway. It is located near the sea so obviously the location is not the right thing to be receiving that much snow. 2010 recorded light snow in most Devon but several places did got affected by the snow since small numbers of road were closed to traffic.Well, I didn't exactly played much snow in Devon. To experience extreme white snowy feel, I travelled to Scotland and Germany and I say you, it was blast all over. Freezing was the thing to explain. Hmmm so that was the first and seems like the last time I met with snow. Inside me right, I really yearn to see snow again right in front of my eyes maybe for the last time before I left the UK next summer :(

Home Alone

Peace Be Upon You...

I watched Home Alone like many many years ago, when I was small. I have forgotten how the plot goes like and how the annoyingly adorable kid did to the old man. Many think it was hillarious but for me it was more of a nasty maughty kid torturing the life of his neighbour. Oohh pity that old man really.

I'm not actually going to write about the movie in this post but rather describing what I am going through right. Sighh. Home alone. All my housemates had gone home for the holiday. Obviously Christmas is a day ahead and I'm stuck in the house not knowing what to do for the next two weeks of the holiday. It is like reminiscing the days I had back home where we will celebrating Raya but this time this is not my raya T__T But I'm not annoying and not naughty at all as I have no neighbours right now hohoho

Since the village in the new semester are occupied by 90% local so most of the students had gone home. And adding to my loneliness, most of my Malaysian friends also have gone away to lala land of their choice. Oh God, the village is so quiet come day come night. And when it rained, the sound of rain and strong winds be my friends. Ooohh. I don't even have the mood to go out of the house yet as the rain has not stop for three consecutive days. Give me patience Ya Allah. Huuuu

The only thing that keep me alive right now is my laptop and the speakers. That are the things that reminds me that there are more than empty houses around me. Arghh cannot wait to visit friends at the city center soon....*cricket sounds. But thank God I've never feel afraid to be alone at home, heheh really have father's gene in me..the blood of a brave strong man runs in me indeed :)

Stuff That Has Gotten Me

Peace be Upon You...

Been a while. Business is the right word to explain it all. Rather than business of things, it actually the things that ate me up. Busy is not all about doing beneficial stuff but for, I'm busy doing both beneficial but most of the time useless stuff. Time given for me is more than enough. Well God gave us 24 hours a day, no more no less for everybody equally everyday. Seems like I spent my time recklessly and unfortunately ended up grasping for air at the end of the day not been able to do things that I supposed to do.

Anyhoo, few days ago marked the first assignment I handed in for the third year. Been a long time since I last wrote any assignment but the writing stuff doesn't really start nor end there. There always complain that came from me saying that I don;t have enough time on doing things. Yeah I knew it myself that it is not the real thing. I just made up all those excuses because I was not taking care of my time management. Most of the time, I wasted my time doing soo many things that will not benefit me in any sense. O Lord, I realised that I was doing such a bad thing but that has been part of myself that I cannot get rid of in any ways. While doing all the disadvantageous stuff I'll ended up choked at neck looking at the time left to finish all my writing works. Hate myself to death for that grrrr.

And writing works has gotten me hating to the core. Honestly speaking, writing is not my field of preference since school time. I always hate it when it was time to have writing exams either in English or even bahasa. But since I have sunk myself into this battlefield, I have with to, even with the coldest hard accept the cruel fact that I have to write (like all the time gahhh). Writing has been haunting me like forever. Since my course require us to be able to write in every assignments, then I have option than to only the rules. We don't usually have exams and as I can remember, for 5 years of study, combine here and back in Malaysia we only have gone through 3 exams. I don't know either; whether I like exams or writing assignments. Hmmm well human are always ungrateful for what they have. If I have exams then I prefer writing assignments and If I have to only write assignments, I'll probably like exams better. Owhh what a kind of thinking is that. I remember my situation back in UiTM 5 years ago. My study revolves on being able to use your critical and imaginative mind while reading and writing are scarce. After a year, I said to myself,'I'm bored that I was not able to read and write anymore and I was all fed up to drawing and drafting anymore'. The last resort to that, I ended my study there and embarked on a new fresh journey. Now I am all locked up here for almost 5 years with one more year to go. I really hope that I'll be given strength of a super human to endure this hardship to finish my study. I'll all geared up and preparing myself to be back home. Ahhh really really can't wait.