Peace be Upon You...
In relation to the previous post of Jealousy, this time I will continue writing on the same title. Thinking back at my childhood time, I remember very vividly when was the exact time that I first develop this bad feeling of mine. It was when I just turned 8. I was in standard two at that time and it happened to be that I was with my 3 other relatives in my class. I was considered the oldest among us 4 as they all are my cousins' child so I am their parents' cousin (mind you my family has a quite awkward family tree, where the age difference between cousins and uncles/unties are huge by range of 8 to 60+ years of the youngest and the oldest) Among us all I can say that I'm the most average in living my life but in terms of intelligence we are all rather at the same level. Genius issue didn't exist at this very moment. At school I was in good terms with them 3 (2 girls and 1 boy, I will describe them by N, S and R) where we shared almost evrything we have. I shared my home brought food with them as my mom always pack food from home in order to save money and we were very happy with our little life. I can remember that one of them always give me 20 cents, because I think she pitied me but I never really understand her action back then. What a bummer I was duhhhh. Everything was smooth sailing until one day, when we finished our monthly exam and the teacher was distributing our answer sheet back to us. It was English subject and I didn't know why but I happens to love english very much. There are no 'teacher" or 'more knowledgeable other' in the family that taught us english as my parents can't speak nor understand english well but I came to like english and I read and watch tv programmes in english to polish up my english skill. Okay back to the exam story; my teacher said I was good because I got 99% but that wasn't actually good enough to beat another rivalry of mine. She was N and she got 100% and at that very moment the teacher (used to be my favourite teacher in school) said she had a present for those who got 100%. The present was a children story book. Actually the present was not all that dashing but as an 8 years old girl, I was mesmerized by the colourful pages of the book and started developing envy for her. It is obvious that I really want that book because I can't afford to buy one on my own or even if I told my mum to buy it for me, she has too many other important things to settle and won't make any difference if I got the book or not. What makes me even sadder was that our 1 mark margin. I thought the teacher would give another consolation prize for those who achieved second but to my disappointment there was none. I was questioning the validity of her marks compared to mine and the fact that she got outside help from tuition center that I obviously can't afford at that time. What an ungrateful kid I am..uuhhh T_T
After that incidence, I was so determined to get 100% in every english test and Alhamdulillah luckily I did. I was obviously happy to have achieved such a mark and you know,I was still a kid at that time. I was thinking, would the teacher give me any present for scoring 100%. The answer is a big 'NO'. I didn't receive any present what so ever it made me truly sad and dissapointed at the same time. I really want to have that lovely storybook. I didn't even tell my parents I got 100% and they only knew it when I brought back my record book. Somehow, that incident did mark my first time of feeling jealous towards my friend. Alhamdulillah, eventhough I was still a kid at that time, I didn't let the angry and jealous feeling of mine drown me away. I did manage to banish my dissapointment of not getting any prize for scoring in exams away and keep on my determination to keep first place in my hand. I just let the incident slide and continue schooling as usual and enjoy every english class I attend. I realised that my passion in english grew stronger and I started helping my friends with their readings and pronunciation problem and I enjoyed being a help to them since then. My school is in kampung area so not many students are exposed to english. Everyone prefer using their native language and very rarely listen to english medium context. I learned it the hard way because I can't afford going to extra classes at the town so I read on my own, listen to english news on the tv and do some other work to polish my english and I did achieve what I want. I was able to be the highest achiever in my class and yes the teacher did saw my passion and praised me. Her praise was the happiest thing I ever received at the age 9. After some time passed by, I didn't really think of getting prize anymore and we (friends) were all in good terms despite that I envied her back then. Not long after we reached 9, two of them (N and R) switched school leaving me with S. I felt a little lost but life continues. After they've gone, I have no competitors that always want to snatch 1st place from me anymore and I can say my envy and jealousy has died down for that time until it strikes back a few years later in secondary school..sighhhh
In relation to the previous post of Jealousy, this time I will continue writing on the same title. Thinking back at my childhood time, I remember very vividly when was the exact time that I first develop this bad feeling of mine. It was when I just turned 8. I was in standard two at that time and it happened to be that I was with my 3 other relatives in my class. I was considered the oldest among us 4 as they all are my cousins' child so I am their parents' cousin (mind you my family has a quite awkward family tree, where the age difference between cousins and uncles/unties are huge by range of 8 to 60+ years of the youngest and the oldest) Among us all I can say that I'm the most average in living my life but in terms of intelligence we are all rather at the same level. Genius issue didn't exist at this very moment. At school I was in good terms with them 3 (2 girls and 1 boy, I will describe them by N, S and R) where we shared almost evrything we have. I shared my home brought food with them as my mom always pack food from home in order to save money and we were very happy with our little life. I can remember that one of them always give me 20 cents, because I think she pitied me but I never really understand her action back then. What a bummer I was duhhhh. Everything was smooth sailing until one day, when we finished our monthly exam and the teacher was distributing our answer sheet back to us. It was English subject and I didn't know why but I happens to love english very much. There are no 'teacher" or 'more knowledgeable other' in the family that taught us english as my parents can't speak nor understand english well but I came to like english and I read and watch tv programmes in english to polish up my english skill. Okay back to the exam story; my teacher said I was good because I got 99% but that wasn't actually good enough to beat another rivalry of mine. She was N and she got 100% and at that very moment the teacher (used to be my favourite teacher in school) said she had a present for those who got 100%. The present was a children story book. Actually the present was not all that dashing but as an 8 years old girl, I was mesmerized by the colourful pages of the book and started developing envy for her. It is obvious that I really want that book because I can't afford to buy one on my own or even if I told my mum to buy it for me, she has too many other important things to settle and won't make any difference if I got the book or not. What makes me even sadder was that our 1 mark margin. I thought the teacher would give another consolation prize for those who achieved second but to my disappointment there was none. I was questioning the validity of her marks compared to mine and the fact that she got outside help from tuition center that I obviously can't afford at that time. What an ungrateful kid I am..uuhhh T_T
After that incidence, I was so determined to get 100% in every english test and Alhamdulillah luckily I did. I was obviously happy to have achieved such a mark and you know,I was still a kid at that time. I was thinking, would the teacher give me any present for scoring 100%. The answer is a big 'NO'. I didn't receive any present what so ever it made me truly sad and dissapointed at the same time. I really want to have that lovely storybook. I didn't even tell my parents I got 100% and they only knew it when I brought back my record book. Somehow, that incident did mark my first time of feeling jealous towards my friend. Alhamdulillah, eventhough I was still a kid at that time, I didn't let the angry and jealous feeling of mine drown me away. I did manage to banish my dissapointment of not getting any prize for scoring in exams away and keep on my determination to keep first place in my hand. I just let the incident slide and continue schooling as usual and enjoy every english class I attend. I realised that my passion in english grew stronger and I started helping my friends with their readings and pronunciation problem and I enjoyed being a help to them since then. My school is in kampung area so not many students are exposed to english. Everyone prefer using their native language and very rarely listen to english medium context. I learned it the hard way because I can't afford going to extra classes at the town so I read on my own, listen to english news on the tv and do some other work to polish my english and I did achieve what I want. I was able to be the highest achiever in my class and yes the teacher did saw my passion and praised me. Her praise was the happiest thing I ever received at the age 9. After some time passed by, I didn't really think of getting prize anymore and we (friends) were all in good terms despite that I envied her back then. Not long after we reached 9, two of them (N and R) switched school leaving me with S. I felt a little lost but life continues. After they've gone, I have no competitors that always want to snatch 1st place from me anymore and I can say my envy and jealousy has died down for that time until it strikes back a few years later in secondary school..sighhhh
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