Out of Dreams

Assalamualaikum...

I once had a dream. A dream of becoming an artist. Not in the sense of singing or acting or any other popularity seeker but the artist who draws or paints or doing any other forms of art. When I was small, when people asked me what is my ambition, nothing comes to mind. My friends keeps on saying the normal jobs where kids used to answer like policeman, teacher, doctor and stuff but i think it's kinda lame. I do not wanna be a doctor fear of blood, I do not wanna be a policewoman as it's a tiring job and they earn little money (how materialistic i was at that age). I was thinking of doing something out of normal kids could think of but nothing came to mind at that time. Drawing, sketching and colouring has always been my passion since I was young and I love to sketch houses, clothes, tress, different kind of them in my notebooks. But at that time I never thought that there is a job for those who draw houses as architect is a new word for me. Until one day I read a magazine about a famous actress married an architect. 11 years old at that times, I made small research on him and get hooked with that job since then and place architect as my dream job. Everything I do, I associated it with my dream job, really hoping to be one when I grow up but like wise man says, man can only propose but God will dispose everything. Yahhh thats what happened to me. The real exact proverb is what I'm going through now but I have no regret about it anyway. A long way back, I never thought of doing what I was doing now, not even once. I even hate the field back then, even my teachers themselves discourage us their students of becoming educators saying you'll never become rich and whatsoever. At that times I just believe their words and continue living with those notion. The notion kept on haunting me until I finished secondary school. I aimed to enroll in university under that course of my dream and luckily I got one in a local Islamic University in the capital city quite far from home. I accepted it with joy and happily went through orientation week things and right at the end of the week I got offered from the Ministry to do education with the chance of pursuing my study in Queensland University of Technology Australia after two years of foundation. My siblings were ecstatic over that and advised me to think thoroughly over that matter and thinking of my parents real wish to see me doing well in life (means becoming an educator). At last not thinking of the consequences of my young heart I followed their advice and switched schools the very next week. Two weeks at new place I just couldn't believe that  I had just shattered my dream of a lifetime and I just went little crazy. Beaming with pearl drops for nearly 3 weeks, I just thought that I couldn't cope with it anymore and plead my uncle to come fetch me out of that bloody place. Separuh gila serasakan disitu ditambah pula saya mendapat rumate yang mengacukan gunting kepada saya kerana bergaduh dengan kekasihnya.  I just felt like jumping off the hostel but still my mind is in sane mode. Timbalan pengarah sendiri memujuk saya agar tidak keluar tp saya nekad. What will be will be and that's what it had been. Life gets hard after that. I was busy finding a place to continue my paused dream but it's not that easy task to do. Not long after getting myself into the lightless well, I went to another local university doing what I want and off I go. I really thought that everything will go smoothly but unexpected thing do happen in times. I love doing what I was doing but my heart was not at ease. I went to studio every morning with a smile carved on my face but came home with a frown. Again without any concrete reason i kept on crying like homeless kids. I cant really explain why but theres something bugging me. I just couldn't understand why I don't feel at ease even though that is what I ever really wanted to do. One day, one of my good friend offered me the application form to do education again and  I was like ' what the heck is this girl trying to say. My thought went "I just got out from that place and not in million years I will be going there again". After much consideration and with ma parents guide here I am doing the same thing that I left an exact a year before. What a destiny it is. I just got confused because things went very well for me and again I got accepted without any hard bump.The destiny has brought me a long way in life and I even been given opportunity to grasp new things and experience sth that I never thought I'll get if I were to stay and chase my dream. Now 10000km away from home, I am happy to be with all my friends doing what I started to love and I will never stop be grateful to God as He had Given me so much things which some I took for granted.
Until now I never really forgot about what my original desire in life was and still hoping I will be given chance to fulfill it someday without neglecting what I'm doing now. InsyaAllah...